Excerpt - Husband Hunting - CHAPTER 40 – PASSION

Passion is a requirement for finding a suitable mate.

… “No, I am not talking about sex. We have to have a passion for life in order to find a proper soul mate.”

Passion is the nineteenth key to a successful hunt.

We have to desperately and passionately want to be with Mr. Right. OK. So I am talking about sex. What’s wrong with sex anyway? It’s a natural act, isn’t it? It’s the kind of thing that makes life interesting, isn’t it? It’s what the birds and the bees and tigers do, don’t they?

… “What’s that darling, I’m all sexed up? So what, I have a right to be passionate if I want.”

I guess I better give you young ladies some passion rules while I’m at it. I’m in such trouble with my wife now that it really won’t make a difference.

1.Always use protection – that goes for him too.

2.Don’t have sex with more than one man at a time

3.DNA tests are a good thing

4. Don’t be promiscuous. There’s that P word again. In this case it means don’t sleep around.

5.Don’t be frigid. Men don’t like that

6. Act like this is the best sex you ever had.

7. Try and get him to say he loves you. Men will say anything when they are passionate and having sex.

8. Try not to grunt or moan to loudly. It’s a turn off and may disturb the neighbors next door.

9. There is no such thing as kinky sex, is there?

10. Keep your eyes open.

11. Under no circumstances yell out Geronimo.

12. Tell your lover he’s the best.

13. Don’t laugh in his face.

14. Size counts, but it isn’t everything. It is like placing a television advertisement. Frequency and Reach are important too.

… “What’s that darling, I am losing my mind? I am an oversexed idiot? Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

… “Yes young lady, this is the short form set of rules for having sex. I haven’t got the stomach for the long form, do you?”

…”What’s that young lady, his p---s is too small? If it doesn’t fit don’t commit. That’s the long and short of it. Oh boy I am getting myself in such trouble can’t any one get me out of this?

… You don’t have the other young ladies problem? You could go on forever? Your man is so great. Give a guy a break, will you? I am talking about the man you are hunting. He can’t go on forever. He needs a rest.”

You have to think about what the man wants. You have to care about him. I don’t want to hear you have to feel satisfied. You have to be complete. You want more. Remember that half a loaf is better than a lazy loafer. Give your guy a break. He needs to relax and have some fun too.

… “You are trying to relieve your stress? How, by putting him under stress? This is not sex on demand of the pay per act type. This is supposed to be true love.”

Have a little compassion for your lover. He will last longer that way.

… “That is not what I meant young lady. Boy have you got a lot to learn. Sex isn’t everything you know? It’s the passion you bring to the table that counts.”

… “No I am not suggesting you do it on the kitchen table. What’s wrong with you?”

… “What’s that young lady, you are tired of listening to my lectures? I don’t lecture people, do I?”

… OK so I do, so what. I will lecture, cajole, insult, and even lower myself to giving instructions in order to help make you successful in your hunt.
… “You don’t want to hear any more lectures from me?”

… “From now on you are going to listen only to the terrific tiger you have fallen in love with? How do you think you caught him?”

… “Yes darling I know I talk too much. I am trying to avoid having to listen to another one of your lectures.”

… “What do you mean what if you stop cooking me dinner; will that make me pay attention and listen to you? What if I stopped eating at home, will that make you pay attention and listen to me? When was the last time you cooked anyway?”

… “OK darling, I will stop with the what ifs if you will.”