Happy New Year. Let's continue the hunt.
Regards,
Arthur
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
CHAPTER 13 – EMERGENCY - Excerpt Husband Hunting
… “What do you mean you’ve been going with the same guy for five years and he’s having a crisis? It’s not a midlife crisis is it? You two can’t be that old, can you?”
… “OK I’ll stop asking questions right after this next one. What the hell are you two lovebirds waiting for? If you have been roosting with this soon to be old rooster for this long, it is time for crisis intervention.”
… “I don’t care if he’s seeing someone else.”
… “I don’t care if he says he loves you, but he never wants to get married. You have wasted your life with this bastard. Tell him you are going to sue him for half his assets as his common law wife if he doesn’t marry you. That should shake the old man up. Tell him it’s now or never. Either he makes an honest woman out of you or you are moving on to greener pastures. Give him a grand total of one day to make up his mind. Do not see him during this period of time. Do not take his calls. If after one day he doesn’t propose then dump him. The crotchety old bastard isn’t worth it. Stop fooling yourself.”
… What’s the big rush young lady? So you met this handsome dude and he has swept you off your feet. He tells you he loves you and has to have you. Tell him he can have you after he has made a commitment.”
… “Yes I know that’s old fashioned. Tell him you are an old fashioned type of girl. Tell him you still believe in marriage and having children. Tell him if he really loves you he will do the right thing. If that doesn’t work, you know the routine, move on to number ten, eleven etcetera.”
… “I am sorry to hear you caught your intended in a bar last night with a beautiful blonde. I thought you were a beautiful blonde. Are you sure he wasn’t with you? Don’t get so uptight. Men are philanderers you know. What do you expect from Mr. Sleazy? By the way, what were you doing in that bar? Who were you with?”
… “Sure, sure, I know. You were out with the girls because lover boy said he had to work late. My advice to you is to stay out of bars young lady.”
… “My dear young woman, you have to understand that with most men sports and being with the guys comes first. That’s the way it is going to be until you teach him otherwise. This takes time and patience. I do not consider this to be an emergency, just a normal part of life. By the way, are those season tickets to the football game on the fifty-yard line? Do you think I could borrow them sometime?”
… “Yes darling I know I have to stay home with you. I just thought I could go see a game when you go to visit your mother.”
… “She is coming here? What have I done to deserve this?”
… OK I’ll forget the football game. You and your mother are more important.”
… “She is coming to give me some expert advice?”
… “OK I’ll stop asking questions right after this next one. What the hell are you two lovebirds waiting for? If you have been roosting with this soon to be old rooster for this long, it is time for crisis intervention.”
… “I don’t care if he’s seeing someone else.”
… “I don’t care if he says he loves you, but he never wants to get married. You have wasted your life with this bastard. Tell him you are going to sue him for half his assets as his common law wife if he doesn’t marry you. That should shake the old man up. Tell him it’s now or never. Either he makes an honest woman out of you or you are moving on to greener pastures. Give him a grand total of one day to make up his mind. Do not see him during this period of time. Do not take his calls. If after one day he doesn’t propose then dump him. The crotchety old bastard isn’t worth it. Stop fooling yourself.”
… What’s the big rush young lady? So you met this handsome dude and he has swept you off your feet. He tells you he loves you and has to have you. Tell him he can have you after he has made a commitment.”
… “Yes I know that’s old fashioned. Tell him you are an old fashioned type of girl. Tell him you still believe in marriage and having children. Tell him if he really loves you he will do the right thing. If that doesn’t work, you know the routine, move on to number ten, eleven etcetera.”
… “I am sorry to hear you caught your intended in a bar last night with a beautiful blonde. I thought you were a beautiful blonde. Are you sure he wasn’t with you? Don’t get so uptight. Men are philanderers you know. What do you expect from Mr. Sleazy? By the way, what were you doing in that bar? Who were you with?”
… “Sure, sure, I know. You were out with the girls because lover boy said he had to work late. My advice to you is to stay out of bars young lady.”
… “My dear young woman, you have to understand that with most men sports and being with the guys comes first. That’s the way it is going to be until you teach him otherwise. This takes time and patience. I do not consider this to be an emergency, just a normal part of life. By the way, are those season tickets to the football game on the fifty-yard line? Do you think I could borrow them sometime?”
… “Yes darling I know I have to stay home with you. I just thought I could go see a game when you go to visit your mother.”
… “She is coming here? What have I done to deserve this?”
… OK I’ll forget the football game. You and your mother are more important.”
… “She is coming to give me some expert advice?”
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Excerpt from the how to book Husband Hunting 1A
CHAPTER 6 – WHERE TO MEET MR. FANTASTIC
… “What’s that young lady? I’m sorry to hear you are disappointed. It’s not my fault that the drunken dreamboat you met last night gave you the wrong telephone number.”
… “It just keeps giving you a busy signal when you call? What do you expect from some bum you met at a raunchy bar at 2 AM? That is not the proper hunting ground for you to find your mate. While you’re at it, stop calling that number. It’s the IRS hotline. You don’t have those kinds of problems too, do you? Sometimes life has more questions than answers. You have to learn to go with the flow.”
Try finding your mate for life in a decent place. That way you might find someone decent. How about going to a church social for singles.
… “Yes young lady, there are men who want to meet a nice girl.”
… “No, not every man that goes to a church social is a loser or a wimp. The only losers are the young ladies who don’t try and find a decent guy.”
… “OK, so you’re not so young. There are plenty of guys who are not so young either. Get in there and mix it up. You and Mr. Potential are not getting any younger you know. At least at your age you are both probably trying to find each other. See we have a meeting of the minds and common objectives. That means there’s hope. Get to work. Time is running out.”
Having hope is key to success number five.
Sorry young ladies, I don’t have a list of places for you to go to stalk your intended right now. Make up your own list. If you spent more time researching your options and opportunities, this might go a lot easier. But be careful of trying to find your future love on the Internet. You can run into a lot of weirdoes there. If you do use the Internet try a dating service. The better ones prescreen their applicants. You might try the library. You do remember where the library is, don’t you? Maybe Mr. Right is doing some research at the library. You could stalk him in the stacks and get to see how he stacks up.
If you do try to find Mr. Unbelievable through the Internet, or the classified section of a magazine, here is a super special trick to make sure he hasn’t tricked you with the picture of himself that he sends you. Agree to meet him at a busy hotel for a drink. Tell him you will be wearing a black dress with a white carnation, and find out what he is going to wear. Then don’t wear the black dress wear something pink or blue and no carnation.
If you gave him your photo, change your hairstyle and wear sunglasses. That way since you know what he is wearing and he doesn’t know what you are wearing or look like, you can check him out without wearing yourself out.
Boy, I am getting worn out from all this dressing and undressing. Anyway, if you don’t see some man wearing what he is supposed to be wearing that can only mean that he is trying to play the same trick on you, is a no show, or gave you a phony photo. Wait twenty minutes and head for the bar. By this time you will probably need a drink.
When you walk in look around. The three hundred-pound guy at the end of the bar with the warts on his nose is probably your blind date. Go directly to the bathroom, and then leave through the back door. This is definitely not Mr. Wonderful. I hope you are not worn out by now, but it is better to be wary than worn out trying to make small talk to some short fat slob you wish you never agreed to meet in the first place.
Am I getting too chatty? Are you following all this? It is confusing, isn’t it? But then when you try to trick someone you may end up fooling yourself.
Have you thought about asking some of your married girlfriends to fix you up? This might be an easier tact to take. Their husbands probably have male friends still hanging around to watch football that your girlfriends would like to get out of the house. Tell them this way everyone wins. It’s worth a shot. What have you got to lose? You have got to make an effort. Stop wasting time. Pretty soon all your girlfriend’s husband’s male friends will be so glued to the couch watching football on TV that nothing will move them.
I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t you submit your best idea about where to find a husband on my blog – http://husbandhunting123.blogspot.com? We could have a contest to see whose ideas are best. I mean besides mine of course. I will print the ten best ideas in a second printing of my book. You could become famous, but of course remain anonymous if you want. We could do the same thing if you have a great question and need some of my terrific advice. Isn’t that marvelous? Aren’t I brilliant? Isn’t life wonderful? The most important rule to the contest is that your idea or question has to relate to at least two keys to successfully hunting down your man.
… “I know you don’t know all the keys to a successful hunt yet young lady – keep reading. I am going to give you all the answers. I am going to give you all the keys to a successful hunt. I am going to tell you what to do and what not to do. Isn’t that wonderful?”
… “What’s that young lady? I’m sorry to hear you are disappointed. It’s not my fault that the drunken dreamboat you met last night gave you the wrong telephone number.”
… “It just keeps giving you a busy signal when you call? What do you expect from some bum you met at a raunchy bar at 2 AM? That is not the proper hunting ground for you to find your mate. While you’re at it, stop calling that number. It’s the IRS hotline. You don’t have those kinds of problems too, do you? Sometimes life has more questions than answers. You have to learn to go with the flow.”
Try finding your mate for life in a decent place. That way you might find someone decent. How about going to a church social for singles.
… “Yes young lady, there are men who want to meet a nice girl.”
… “No, not every man that goes to a church social is a loser or a wimp. The only losers are the young ladies who don’t try and find a decent guy.”
… “OK, so you’re not so young. There are plenty of guys who are not so young either. Get in there and mix it up. You and Mr. Potential are not getting any younger you know. At least at your age you are both probably trying to find each other. See we have a meeting of the minds and common objectives. That means there’s hope. Get to work. Time is running out.”
Having hope is key to success number five.
Sorry young ladies, I don’t have a list of places for you to go to stalk your intended right now. Make up your own list. If you spent more time researching your options and opportunities, this might go a lot easier. But be careful of trying to find your future love on the Internet. You can run into a lot of weirdoes there. If you do use the Internet try a dating service. The better ones prescreen their applicants. You might try the library. You do remember where the library is, don’t you? Maybe Mr. Right is doing some research at the library. You could stalk him in the stacks and get to see how he stacks up.
If you do try to find Mr. Unbelievable through the Internet, or the classified section of a magazine, here is a super special trick to make sure he hasn’t tricked you with the picture of himself that he sends you. Agree to meet him at a busy hotel for a drink. Tell him you will be wearing a black dress with a white carnation, and find out what he is going to wear. Then don’t wear the black dress wear something pink or blue and no carnation.
If you gave him your photo, change your hairstyle and wear sunglasses. That way since you know what he is wearing and he doesn’t know what you are wearing or look like, you can check him out without wearing yourself out.
Boy, I am getting worn out from all this dressing and undressing. Anyway, if you don’t see some man wearing what he is supposed to be wearing that can only mean that he is trying to play the same trick on you, is a no show, or gave you a phony photo. Wait twenty minutes and head for the bar. By this time you will probably need a drink.
When you walk in look around. The three hundred-pound guy at the end of the bar with the warts on his nose is probably your blind date. Go directly to the bathroom, and then leave through the back door. This is definitely not Mr. Wonderful. I hope you are not worn out by now, but it is better to be wary than worn out trying to make small talk to some short fat slob you wish you never agreed to meet in the first place.
Am I getting too chatty? Are you following all this? It is confusing, isn’t it? But then when you try to trick someone you may end up fooling yourself.
Have you thought about asking some of your married girlfriends to fix you up? This might be an easier tact to take. Their husbands probably have male friends still hanging around to watch football that your girlfriends would like to get out of the house. Tell them this way everyone wins. It’s worth a shot. What have you got to lose? You have got to make an effort. Stop wasting time. Pretty soon all your girlfriend’s husband’s male friends will be so glued to the couch watching football on TV that nothing will move them.
I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t you submit your best idea about where to find a husband on my blog – http://husbandhunting123.blogspot.com? We could have a contest to see whose ideas are best. I mean besides mine of course. I will print the ten best ideas in a second printing of my book. You could become famous, but of course remain anonymous if you want. We could do the same thing if you have a great question and need some of my terrific advice. Isn’t that marvelous? Aren’t I brilliant? Isn’t life wonderful? The most important rule to the contest is that your idea or question has to relate to at least two keys to successfully hunting down your man.
… “I know you don’t know all the keys to a successful hunt yet young lady – keep reading. I am going to give you all the answers. I am going to give you all the keys to a successful hunt. I am going to tell you what to do and what not to do. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Sunday, July 6, 2008
You Don't Have To Be Alone
Did you spend the July 4th weekend with your girlfriends or family because you don't have a man you really like who wants to spend all his holidays with you? Don't be upset young lady. You have come to the right place for advice on how to find your one and only. Together we will figure out how you can hunt down your husband.Just leave your questions in the comment section.
Your new friend,
Arthur
Your new friend,
Arthur
Saturday, July 5, 2008
How To Find A Husband
No one said this was going to be easy, but if you follow the twenty-four keys to finding a husband I am going to tell you about, you can be successful.
Look at this as a tiger hunt. You wouldn’t go hunting a tiger without the right equipment, would you?
Think of the man you are hunting for as your tiger, and be sure you are properly equipped to hunt him down.
Men and tigers by nature don’ really like to be held prisoner to your or any one else’s desires, but you have to make him believe that this is something he really wants to do, needs to do, and that he cannot live without you.
Believe me I am a husband, and I have first hand knowledge of how an animal feels to be tracked and captured and made to believe that he really likes it. That’s what makes me an expert on husband hunting. I’ve lived through the experience.
I know you are frustrated. There is no question that it is a jungle out there. The truth is that the are too few men for too many women. It is going to be our job, working together, to equalize the odds, and even change the odds in your favor.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what to do. You can always come to me for advice. That’s my job. I am here to answer your questions. M y wife tells me I ask too many questions myself, but how can I know what is bothering you if I don’t ask you. Believe me, some of your questions bother me even more than the answers I have, but that’s my job.
I told you at the beginning of this article that there are twenty-four keys to successfully hunting down your man. I am not going to reveal them all to you right now, but I will give your three.
How you dress, how you act, and how much you really care about yourself and the man you are trying to get as a husband are three keys to success.
That’s right young lady. You have to care about yourself before you can expect the right man to care enough about you to want to marry you, so start caring.
Oh, in case I forgot to mention it. This is going to be the tough love version of husband hunting, so don’t expect me to show you any mercy. My job is to help you find your husband. I leave it to Mr. Marvelous to make you feel good assuming you take my advice and end up finding him.
P.S. If you want a career instead of a husband, or if you are hell bent on being a single mom, this is not the place for you, but if deep down in your heart you really want to end up happily married with Mr. Dreamboat – Welcome.
Look at this as a tiger hunt. You wouldn’t go hunting a tiger without the right equipment, would you?
Think of the man you are hunting for as your tiger, and be sure you are properly equipped to hunt him down.
Men and tigers by nature don’ really like to be held prisoner to your or any one else’s desires, but you have to make him believe that this is something he really wants to do, needs to do, and that he cannot live without you.
Believe me I am a husband, and I have first hand knowledge of how an animal feels to be tracked and captured and made to believe that he really likes it. That’s what makes me an expert on husband hunting. I’ve lived through the experience.
I know you are frustrated. There is no question that it is a jungle out there. The truth is that the are too few men for too many women. It is going to be our job, working together, to equalize the odds, and even change the odds in your favor.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what to do. You can always come to me for advice. That’s my job. I am here to answer your questions. M y wife tells me I ask too many questions myself, but how can I know what is bothering you if I don’t ask you. Believe me, some of your questions bother me even more than the answers I have, but that’s my job.
I told you at the beginning of this article that there are twenty-four keys to successfully hunting down your man. I am not going to reveal them all to you right now, but I will give your three.
How you dress, how you act, and how much you really care about yourself and the man you are trying to get as a husband are three keys to success.
That’s right young lady. You have to care about yourself before you can expect the right man to care enough about you to want to marry you, so start caring.
Oh, in case I forgot to mention it. This is going to be the tough love version of husband hunting, so don’t expect me to show you any mercy. My job is to help you find your husband. I leave it to Mr. Marvelous to make you feel good assuming you take my advice and end up finding him.
P.S. If you want a career instead of a husband, or if you are hell bent on being a single mom, this is not the place for you, but if deep down in your heart you really want to end up happily married with Mr. Dreamboat – Welcome.
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