HUNTING FORM - Excerpt from Husband Hunting 123

You wouldn’t go hunting a lion wearing a bathing suit and armed with a fishing rod would you? This may not apply to you personally, but if any of it does don’t get insulted. Get your act together and get prepared to hunt down a husband.

… “No it is not proper form young lady to hunt down someone else's husband. You have got to find one of your own. Now lets get started.”

Your fork is not a spear and your knife wasn’t meant to stab something with. Try and exhibit some decent table manners. If you don’t know what they are go read about them in an etiquette book. Remember that anyone’s gross behavior except for his own can easily turn off the animal you are hunting.

Your tiger also has a keen sense of smell. Tobacco mouth and body odor may send him running in the other direction. This is his den and he is the only one that is allowed to smell bad at least for now. You can change that after you catch him. But be careful, you don’t want an angry tiger in your tank do you?

Don’t have a dirty mouth in public. It might embarrass him. What you do in the bedroom is your business. What ever turns him and you on is the proper procedure when you get to that stage in your relationship. For now let him do all the cursing and swearing. It probably makes him feel like a big man. You don’t want him thinking you’re a big man too, do you?

Keep your hair off your face. He might think you were trying to hide something otherwise. No body piercing or tattoos please. Mr. Perfect might find them a turn on, but not in someone he would consider marrying. Remember that at this stage he probably isn’t considering anything except getting you in bed. Leave the hardware at home, and be sure it’s well hidden from view or don’t invite him over.

Don’t wear cloths that are too tight, too revealing, or too manly – no pinstriped business suits. Leave something to his imagination. If he doesn’t have any imagination then you’re barking up the wrong tree and chasing after the wrong dog. Cut the bastard loose and find someone else. You have to find someone who at least holds the promise of being alive.

Don’t try and tell jokes. Most men hate women who tell jokes. They think that’s a man thing. You have to pretend he’s funny. He won’t know your faking it. It’s OK to laugh a lot at his jokes. Even if they are not funny, you can laugh and laugh. I never told you this finding a husband thing was going to be easy. If you want to get the prize you have to make a real effort.

Making an effort is key to success number three.

You just can’t lay back and wait for Mr. Right to come along. By the time you get into action, he may have come and gone. You are going to have to become proactive.

… “What’s that young lady, you like to do it with your eyes open? That’s none of my business. This is not a sex clinic.”

I almost forgot to tell you. Don’t under any circumstances arm wrestle with him. You don’t want him to think you are one of the boys, do you? And under no condition try and out drink him. If you succeed, he will think he has lost his virility and blame you for being frigid. Remember, husband’s to be are totally irrational creatures. Otherwise why would they allow you to manipulate them and get them to commit to marriage?

… “What’s that young lady, you don’t do any of the things I just told you not to do, and you still haven’t found a husband? This is only the beginning. We have lots more to cover. Don’t get discouraged. We have only just begun to hunt.”

… “Hunt what, why your man of course? You do want a mate, don’t you? You are willing to try new things aren’t you? You do know what you want, don’t you?”

… “Don’t worry young lady, I know what you want. You want a husband. Are you willing to compete for him?”

Now that we have gotten through some of the basics let’s go on to the heavy lifting. Oh, remember to let him do the heavy lifting.

For more information go to http://husbandhunting123.blogspot.com

No More Black

Black is out young ladies. How is a prospective near sighted tiger supposed to spot you if you are wearing a black coat, black pants, and a black Mickey Mouse tee shirt? It is time to start wearing some bright colors so that you will get noticed. The only thing that should be colorless is your gum. Stop chewing bubble gum in public. There are subtler ways to get more of a bang for your buck.

More advice later.

.... I can't help it if I am making you mad. Someone has to shake things up around here. Get rid of the gum.

New Years Reality Check

Do you know if the tiger you are hunting is real? Go to http://johnnyoops.blogspot.com to find out.