Hi everyone, please take a look at the interview about me and my novel Johnny Oops by Soooz from Goodreads.com
Arthur
http://sooozsaysstuff.blogspot.com/
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Is Your Sexuality Inhibiting You
Johnny is always testing life’s borders. Join him and discover how far you are willing to press your own vision of reality. Is God really a Game Master? Are we all bit players in a giant virtual reality game? Is your sexuality inhibiting you?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Good Place To Meet
A good place to meet the man of your dreams young lady is at the Dry Cleaners. At least if he is there he is taking care of that ring around the collar and may just be the right one to give you another kind of ring.
Start spending a lot of time there. You can let the tailor take down the hem on your skirts which are too damn short. You do wear skirts, don't you? Whle you are at it get rid of those smelly jeans. they are too tight anyway.
Start spending a lot of time there. You can let the tailor take down the hem on your skirts which are too damn short. You do wear skirts, don't you? Whle you are at it get rid of those smelly jeans. they are too tight anyway.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Excerpt - Husband Hunting - CHAPTER 40 – PASSION
Passion is a requirement for finding a suitable mate.
… “No, I am not talking about sex. We have to have a passion for life in order to find a proper soul mate.”
Passion is the nineteenth key to a successful hunt.
We have to desperately and passionately want to be with Mr. Right. OK. So I am talking about sex. What’s wrong with sex anyway? It’s a natural act, isn’t it? It’s the kind of thing that makes life interesting, isn’t it? It’s what the birds and the bees and tigers do, don’t they?
… “What’s that darling, I’m all sexed up? So what, I have a right to be passionate if I want.”
I guess I better give you young ladies some passion rules while I’m at it. I’m in such trouble with my wife now that it really won’t make a difference.
1.Always use protection – that goes for him too.
2.Don’t have sex with more than one man at a time
3.DNA tests are a good thing
4. Don’t be promiscuous. There’s that P word again. In this case it means don’t sleep around.
5.Don’t be frigid. Men don’t like that
6. Act like this is the best sex you ever had.
7. Try and get him to say he loves you. Men will say anything when they are passionate and having sex.
8. Try not to grunt or moan to loudly. It’s a turn off and may disturb the neighbors next door.
9. There is no such thing as kinky sex, is there?
10. Keep your eyes open.
11. Under no circumstances yell out Geronimo.
12. Tell your lover he’s the best.
13. Don’t laugh in his face.
14. Size counts, but it isn’t everything. It is like placing a television advertisement. Frequency and Reach are important too.
… “What’s that darling, I am losing my mind? I am an oversexed idiot? Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
… “Yes young lady, this is the short form set of rules for having sex. I haven’t got the stomach for the long form, do you?”
…”What’s that young lady, his p---s is too small? If it doesn’t fit don’t commit. That’s the long and short of it. Oh boy I am getting myself in such trouble can’t any one get me out of this?
… You don’t have the other young ladies problem? You could go on forever? Your man is so great. Give a guy a break, will you? I am talking about the man you are hunting. He can’t go on forever. He needs a rest.”
You have to think about what the man wants. You have to care about him. I don’t want to hear you have to feel satisfied. You have to be complete. You want more. Remember that half a loaf is better than a lazy loafer. Give your guy a break. He needs to relax and have some fun too.
… “You are trying to relieve your stress? How, by putting him under stress? This is not sex on demand of the pay per act type. This is supposed to be true love.”
Have a little compassion for your lover. He will last longer that way.
… “That is not what I meant young lady. Boy have you got a lot to learn. Sex isn’t everything you know? It’s the passion you bring to the table that counts.”
… “No I am not suggesting you do it on the kitchen table. What’s wrong with you?”
… “What’s that young lady, you are tired of listening to my lectures? I don’t lecture people, do I?”
… OK so I do, so what. I will lecture, cajole, insult, and even lower myself to giving instructions in order to help make you successful in your hunt.
… “You don’t want to hear any more lectures from me?”
… “From now on you are going to listen only to the terrific tiger you have fallen in love with? How do you think you caught him?”
… “Yes darling I know I talk too much. I am trying to avoid having to listen to another one of your lectures.”
… “What do you mean what if you stop cooking me dinner; will that make me pay attention and listen to you? What if I stopped eating at home, will that make you pay attention and listen to me? When was the last time you cooked anyway?”
… “OK darling, I will stop with the what ifs if you will.”
… “No, I am not talking about sex. We have to have a passion for life in order to find a proper soul mate.”
Passion is the nineteenth key to a successful hunt.
We have to desperately and passionately want to be with Mr. Right. OK. So I am talking about sex. What’s wrong with sex anyway? It’s a natural act, isn’t it? It’s the kind of thing that makes life interesting, isn’t it? It’s what the birds and the bees and tigers do, don’t they?
… “What’s that darling, I’m all sexed up? So what, I have a right to be passionate if I want.”
I guess I better give you young ladies some passion rules while I’m at it. I’m in such trouble with my wife now that it really won’t make a difference.
1.Always use protection – that goes for him too.
2.Don’t have sex with more than one man at a time
3.DNA tests are a good thing
4. Don’t be promiscuous. There’s that P word again. In this case it means don’t sleep around.
5.Don’t be frigid. Men don’t like that
6. Act like this is the best sex you ever had.
7. Try and get him to say he loves you. Men will say anything when they are passionate and having sex.
8. Try not to grunt or moan to loudly. It’s a turn off and may disturb the neighbors next door.
9. There is no such thing as kinky sex, is there?
10. Keep your eyes open.
11. Under no circumstances yell out Geronimo.
12. Tell your lover he’s the best.
13. Don’t laugh in his face.
14. Size counts, but it isn’t everything. It is like placing a television advertisement. Frequency and Reach are important too.
… “What’s that darling, I am losing my mind? I am an oversexed idiot? Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
… “Yes young lady, this is the short form set of rules for having sex. I haven’t got the stomach for the long form, do you?”
…”What’s that young lady, his p---s is too small? If it doesn’t fit don’t commit. That’s the long and short of it. Oh boy I am getting myself in such trouble can’t any one get me out of this?
… You don’t have the other young ladies problem? You could go on forever? Your man is so great. Give a guy a break, will you? I am talking about the man you are hunting. He can’t go on forever. He needs a rest.”
You have to think about what the man wants. You have to care about him. I don’t want to hear you have to feel satisfied. You have to be complete. You want more. Remember that half a loaf is better than a lazy loafer. Give your guy a break. He needs to relax and have some fun too.
… “You are trying to relieve your stress? How, by putting him under stress? This is not sex on demand of the pay per act type. This is supposed to be true love.”
Have a little compassion for your lover. He will last longer that way.
… “That is not what I meant young lady. Boy have you got a lot to learn. Sex isn’t everything you know? It’s the passion you bring to the table that counts.”
… “No I am not suggesting you do it on the kitchen table. What’s wrong with you?”
… “What’s that young lady, you are tired of listening to my lectures? I don’t lecture people, do I?”
… OK so I do, so what. I will lecture, cajole, insult, and even lower myself to giving instructions in order to help make you successful in your hunt.
… “You don’t want to hear any more lectures from me?”
… “From now on you are going to listen only to the terrific tiger you have fallen in love with? How do you think you caught him?”
… “Yes darling I know I talk too much. I am trying to avoid having to listen to another one of your lectures.”
… “What do you mean what if you stop cooking me dinner; will that make me pay attention and listen to you? What if I stopped eating at home, will that make you pay attention and listen to me? When was the last time you cooked anyway?”
… “OK darling, I will stop with the what ifs if you will.”
Friday, August 14, 2009
HUNTING FORM - Excerpt from Husband Hunting 123
You wouldn’t go hunting a lion wearing a bathing suit and armed with a fishing rod would you? This may not apply to you personally, but if any of it does don’t get insulted. Get your act together and get prepared to hunt down a husband.
… “No it is not proper form young lady to hunt down someone else's husband. You have got to find one of your own. Now lets get started.”
Your fork is not a spear and your knife wasn’t meant to stab something with. Try and exhibit some decent table manners. If you don’t know what they are go read about them in an etiquette book. Remember that anyone’s gross behavior except for his own can easily turn off the animal you are hunting.
Your tiger also has a keen sense of smell. Tobacco mouth and body odor may send him running in the other direction. This is his den and he is the only one that is allowed to smell bad at least for now. You can change that after you catch him. But be careful, you don’t want an angry tiger in your tank do you?
Don’t have a dirty mouth in public. It might embarrass him. What you do in the bedroom is your business. What ever turns him and you on is the proper procedure when you get to that stage in your relationship. For now let him do all the cursing and swearing. It probably makes him feel like a big man. You don’t want him thinking you’re a big man too, do you?
Keep your hair off your face. He might think you were trying to hide something otherwise. No body piercing or tattoos please. Mr. Perfect might find them a turn on, but not in someone he would consider marrying. Remember that at this stage he probably isn’t considering anything except getting you in bed. Leave the hardware at home, and be sure it’s well hidden from view or don’t invite him over.
Don’t wear cloths that are too tight, too revealing, or too manly – no pinstriped business suits. Leave something to his imagination. If he doesn’t have any imagination then you’re barking up the wrong tree and chasing after the wrong dog. Cut the bastard loose and find someone else. You have to find someone who at least holds the promise of being alive.
Don’t try and tell jokes. Most men hate women who tell jokes. They think that’s a man thing. You have to pretend he’s funny. He won’t know your faking it. It’s OK to laugh a lot at his jokes. Even if they are not funny, you can laugh and laugh. I never told you this finding a husband thing was going to be easy. If you want to get the prize you have to make a real effort.
Making an effort is key to success number three.
You just can’t lay back and wait for Mr. Right to come along. By the time you get into action, he may have come and gone. You are going to have to become proactive.
… “What’s that young lady, you like to do it with your eyes open? That’s none of my business. This is not a sex clinic.”
I almost forgot to tell you. Don’t under any circumstances arm wrestle with him. You don’t want him to think you are one of the boys, do you? And under no condition try and out drink him. If you succeed, he will think he has lost his virility and blame you for being frigid. Remember, husband’s to be are totally irrational creatures. Otherwise why would they allow you to manipulate them and get them to commit to marriage?
… “What’s that young lady, you don’t do any of the things I just told you not to do, and you still haven’t found a husband? This is only the beginning. We have lots more to cover. Don’t get discouraged. We have only just begun to hunt.”
… “Hunt what, why your man of course? You do want a mate, don’t you? You are willing to try new things aren’t you? You do know what you want, don’t you?”
… “Don’t worry young lady, I know what you want. You want a husband. Are you willing to compete for him?”
Now that we have gotten through some of the basics let’s go on to the heavy lifting. Oh, remember to let him do the heavy lifting.
For more information go to http://husbandhunting123.blogspot.com
… “No it is not proper form young lady to hunt down someone else's husband. You have got to find one of your own. Now lets get started.”
Your fork is not a spear and your knife wasn’t meant to stab something with. Try and exhibit some decent table manners. If you don’t know what they are go read about them in an etiquette book. Remember that anyone’s gross behavior except for his own can easily turn off the animal you are hunting.
Your tiger also has a keen sense of smell. Tobacco mouth and body odor may send him running in the other direction. This is his den and he is the only one that is allowed to smell bad at least for now. You can change that after you catch him. But be careful, you don’t want an angry tiger in your tank do you?
Don’t have a dirty mouth in public. It might embarrass him. What you do in the bedroom is your business. What ever turns him and you on is the proper procedure when you get to that stage in your relationship. For now let him do all the cursing and swearing. It probably makes him feel like a big man. You don’t want him thinking you’re a big man too, do you?
Keep your hair off your face. He might think you were trying to hide something otherwise. No body piercing or tattoos please. Mr. Perfect might find them a turn on, but not in someone he would consider marrying. Remember that at this stage he probably isn’t considering anything except getting you in bed. Leave the hardware at home, and be sure it’s well hidden from view or don’t invite him over.
Don’t wear cloths that are too tight, too revealing, or too manly – no pinstriped business suits. Leave something to his imagination. If he doesn’t have any imagination then you’re barking up the wrong tree and chasing after the wrong dog. Cut the bastard loose and find someone else. You have to find someone who at least holds the promise of being alive.
Don’t try and tell jokes. Most men hate women who tell jokes. They think that’s a man thing. You have to pretend he’s funny. He won’t know your faking it. It’s OK to laugh a lot at his jokes. Even if they are not funny, you can laugh and laugh. I never told you this finding a husband thing was going to be easy. If you want to get the prize you have to make a real effort.
Making an effort is key to success number three.
You just can’t lay back and wait for Mr. Right to come along. By the time you get into action, he may have come and gone. You are going to have to become proactive.
… “What’s that young lady, you like to do it with your eyes open? That’s none of my business. This is not a sex clinic.”
I almost forgot to tell you. Don’t under any circumstances arm wrestle with him. You don’t want him to think you are one of the boys, do you? And under no condition try and out drink him. If you succeed, he will think he has lost his virility and blame you for being frigid. Remember, husband’s to be are totally irrational creatures. Otherwise why would they allow you to manipulate them and get them to commit to marriage?
… “What’s that young lady, you don’t do any of the things I just told you not to do, and you still haven’t found a husband? This is only the beginning. We have lots more to cover. Don’t get discouraged. We have only just begun to hunt.”
… “Hunt what, why your man of course? You do want a mate, don’t you? You are willing to try new things aren’t you? You do know what you want, don’t you?”
… “Don’t worry young lady, I know what you want. You want a husband. Are you willing to compete for him?”
Now that we have gotten through some of the basics let’s go on to the heavy lifting. Oh, remember to let him do the heavy lifting.
For more information go to http://husbandhunting123.blogspot.com
Monday, January 12, 2009
No More Black
Black is out young ladies. How is a prospective near sighted tiger supposed to spot you if you are wearing a black coat, black pants, and a black Mickey Mouse tee shirt? It is time to start wearing some bright colors so that you will get noticed. The only thing that should be colorless is your gum. Stop chewing bubble gum in public. There are subtler ways to get more of a bang for your buck.
More advice later.
.... I can't help it if I am making you mad. Someone has to shake things up around here. Get rid of the gum.
More advice later.
.... I can't help it if I am making you mad. Someone has to shake things up around here. Get rid of the gum.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New Years Reality Check
Do you know if the tiger you are hunting is real? Go to http://johnnyoops.blogspot.com to find out.
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